


Time and Time Again

by rubycrowned



Category: 1D - Fandom, One Direction, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, coz apparently I write little else, i really couldnt decide between a mature and explicit rating so sorry if I fucked it up, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-13
Updated: 2012-07-13
Packaged: 2017-11-09 22:06:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/458976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubycrowned/pseuds/rubycrowned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We're pulling apart and coming together again and again</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time and Time Again

**Author's Note:**

> aha so my friend asked for angsty fic and this is what happened. awesome. very loosely inspired by 'Never Say Never' by The Fray. unbeta'd so sorry for any mistakes.

Lips touch.  
  
Breaths heave.

Eyelids flutter.

***

Zayn doesn’t know how not to want Liam.

Can’t remember a time when his friend’s voice didn’t send blood pulsing hot through his veins.

Torn between a need and a fear for such a day to arrive.

The boys tease him that he’s got his broody eyes on, or that he’s pouting again and “Could you be any more obvious, mate?”

And he plays the bromance up; complains about all the attention that Larry Stylinson gets when hasn’t it always been him and Li? Uses the fans as an excuse to touch his arm, shoulder, neck in interviews; to hug, stroke, _kiss_  on stage.

The boys are right, really. Zayn doesn’t think he could try any harder to show his adoration ( _don’t think about likelust_ love) for the other lad; can’t think of any other way to declare to everyone his feelings; how completely and utterly he belongs to the boy with the hair and the eyes and the button-up and the abs and the heart filled with gold and worth his weight in it.

Trouble is; Liam’s not his.

_ In life we always fall for the person that will never fall for us always want something that we can't and always say things we shouldn't :s _

***

Gasps catch as tongue drags along salty skin.

Desire courses hot with every caress and bite and grasp.

And in the smooth expanse between shoulder and spine Liam moans Zayn’s name into warm flesh.

***

Zayn had gotten a taste so early on that he told himself he never really stood a chance.

Everything was shiny and new and they were a  _group_  and they had been  _put_   _through_ , when they all thought it was the end, and they were young and excited and anything could happen now.

‘Anything’ turned out to be a hilarious first week together with booze, bonding and a fairly ridiculous amount of nudity. It also turned out to be a sober Liam, looking amused by the antics of his new friends, but also entirely too excluded from the festivities for Zayn’s liking. Anything was Zayn planting an enthusiastic kiss on Liam, square on the lips, and feeling them mould softly to his own, for the briefest of moments pressing back, until Zayn pulled away; he had laughed delightedly with a sudden high which wasn’t entirely alcohol-fuelled, and thrown an arm around Liam’s shoulders, feeling the other boy sink into the embrace as if he belonged there.

Curled around Liam became one of Zayn’s favourite spots in the world; right up there with a warm, familiar bed in those first moments after waking, and the corner of his parents’ backyard where he could lie in the sun and just breathe in the scent of summer, of grass and hot concrete and that indescribable something. They were all places where Zayn could just  _be_.

They never mentioned that night, that kiss (except for that time that Zayn was feeling frustrated and selfish and told that magazine). It was just one of those things that happened once and then you try to forget; like Louis’ drag performance of Grease, or Niall’s naked Irish jig.

Until things got overwhelming, emotional, exciting, devastating.

And then, somehow, Zayn would find Liam at his hotel door; looking lost or broken or even just so hyperactive he couldn’t sleep, a wicked glint in his eye that you didn’t catch all that often – and Zayn couldn’t figure out how to say no to any of that.

***

Low-throated groans fill the silences and thrusts begin to lose their rhythm.

It feels so good because Liam is all around him, inside him, hitting that spot which makes Zayn’s hips buck, with a fervour that makes him start to see spots in his vision.

So for now he gives himself over to the pleasure that sometimes borders on pain, to the fingertips digging into his hips, his shoulders, the teeth grazing his neck and shoulder. He lets himself hear the change in breathing as Liam arches against him, stuttering through his completion. And he loses himself in the feel of a lube-slicked palm wrapping itself around Zayn’s painfully neglected cock, pumping with just the right pressure to send him over the edge with a quiet sob not a minute later.

But Zayn wants to scream because this is all he ever wants and it’ll never be enough.

***

Liam won’t ever be Zayn’s.

Because he gave his heart to Danielle.

He gave his heart to the soft curves and pretty smile and cascades of curls. He gave it to the girl who was there and available and who was easier for Liam to accept. Who didn’t make him look in the mirror and question who it was that he had become, or had he always been.

Zayn knew Liam like he knew himself, so he knew this. Knew that Liam did love the girl he was with, regardless of everything else. Knew that Liam didn’t have a clue what he really wanted and was just trying to deal with it, right or wrong as his choices might be.

So he made do with what he could – the looks which always lasted a little too long, drinking in the beauty of the boy before him, emotions pooling in his eyes; the touches he could get away with, in public and behind closed doors.

But knowing isn’t the same as understanding, and Zayn hated Liam a little for all of it. Because he was using him, and Danielle, and Zayn still couldn’t figure out how to turn away.

_“I suppose you always want what you can’t have.”_

***

Zayn falls asleep with Liam’s head on his chest and his hand clasped almost desperately within his own, a silent plead of  _be mine, staystay_ stay.

  
Zayn wakes to the sound of the door closing and the rapidly-cooling warmth of the other side of the bed.


End file.
